Adventure

Arkansas was wonderful. I really enjoyed watching Teaven's mom get married and meeting more of his family members. They are so funny! The beginning of the trip was probably the most awful 2 days ever, but the rest went quite smoothly. I'll write more about those 2 days some other time. Spending time with Teaven was great. We work so well together when we don't have to be separated by distance. Less than a year now! I'm stoked.

So, I have to write this devotional for the RA manual, and I feel like I'm learning a lot from it. Wedding plans and money to make those plans a reality have really been taking up most of my thoughts and making me worry(see last blog). However, I've been pointed to this verse numerous times: "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21

I can plan and plan, but no matter what God's purpose will out rule mine every time. And, honestly, I like it better that way. It's been a crazy roller coaster with Teaven's job too, but it's been awesome to see how God is working in both situations and our hearts.

We've been talking about going to Russia again. I've been wondering lately if God isn't giving Teaven an actual job quite yet because He wants us to be there next year. I don't know, but I'm excited for whatever adventure is placed before us. Instead of being fearful, I am reminded that the best place to be is in the center of God's will and leave everything else up to him.

Teaven and I saw this on the wall in a steakhouse we ate dinner at in Arkansas. We both thought it was very fitting with what God has been teaching us.

Update

I feel like all of my blogs lately have been about my engagement. I'm sorry to my readers, but this is, yet again, about my engagement.

I need prayer.

I have been seriously worrying about where the money will come from for our wedding. I am not making nearly as much as I had hoped because it's been so slow, and I'm disappointed in myself. However, I've come to the realization that I can't do this. There's no way that's going to happen. That's a good place to be for me because I come to a place of complete surrender and reliance on God. So, friends, please pray that I remain in surrender and have trust. I know that whatever happens, I'm still marrying my best friend, and my marriage needs to be more of my focus than my wedding.

Teaven and I leave for Arkansas today. His mom is getting married there. We're both really tired, so I hope we get some rest... although, we will be sleeping on air mattresses in a house that may or may not have air conditioning. :/ I'm looking forward to it. I don't know what to expect, which is a good thing, I suppose, since my counselor always told me not to have any expectations.

Other than that, I don't really know what to say because I'm super tired. I'm surprised I even updated at all.

Farewell for now. :)

Disappointment

I thought for a day that it would be possible for Teaven and I to get married. I told myself not to get too excited because I still had a lot to work out. Unfortunately, I got excited. I realized that I could be getting married in 6 short months, less than 200 days. Then, today I allowed myself to accept the fact that it's just not going to happen. There are too many factors working against us. Although I was quite disappointed, I knew it just wasn't meant to be for us. As hard as it is right now to wait and be patient, I know it will all be worth it in the end. I won't have any regrets, and I will be the happiest woman on the planet. We've waited so long already, what's another 6 months right?

I just want to marry him. I want to be able to talk late into the night and fall asleep right next to him. I don't want to have to talk to him on the phone anymore. For those of you who don't know, we're not good at long distance stuff... and Killeen isn't even that far from Belton.

However, I will be happy for every moment I have with him this summer. I will be happy to be spending my senior year at school. I will be happy that God has placed such an amazing man in my life.

One year isn't too long right?

Engagements

I started to write this really long post about how long engagements are really hard, but I need to stop. I know that God's timing is perfect for Teaven and me, but sometimes it's just really hard to wait. It's hard to watch people who got engaged after I did talk about how they have less than 100 days left when I'm still in the 400s. I keep telling myself that this next year is going to fly by, but it's honestly hard to be patient.

However, I am thankful for the choices we have made. I am thankful that we have decided to wait until I graduate, and Teaven, Lord willing, has a steady job. I know we won't regret it in the long run, but for those who know me, I'm not good with waiting. I want things to happen now. However, I have to wait and make this year the best year it can be.

It will be good.

My senior year of college... I never dreamed I'd actually make it this far.
My last year living so close to all of my friends.
My last year as an RA, which has come with some of the best friends and memories ever.
My last year to live alone... without a boy. haha.
Lots of time with some of my best friends due to wedding planning. :)

Next year this time, I'll be walking across that stage and receiving my diploma. I'll have to start looking for a real job, no more Olive Garden. :)

It'll be grand, and let me tell you, being engaged is a wonderful thing. It has brought more learning and growing than I ever imagined, and I love that boy more everyday.

Deep

Next week I will officially be done with this semester of classes. Even typing that sentence doesn't help it become a reality. I feel like I still have so much to do, and it stresses me out. At least I know that come Friday, I will be over the worst.

I've come to realize how much I love deep conversations. You know, the ones where you just open up about your life and learn about someone else's life? It's hard for me to get to this point. I've got to know that you won't judge me and that I can trust you not to leave, but when I get to this point, I just can't stop talking. haha... my close friends should know this about me. :)

Robyn and I were talking today about the reason Retta's RAs become so close. The only explanation either of us had is Jesus. I've no doubt that God has placed my closest friends in my life at the right time. Through them, I learn more about his unfailing love and mercy. I am reminded to be all I can be and to trust in God even when everything in life seems to be going wrong.

I should probably call it a night because all of the stress, exhaustion, and sappyness is starting to form into tears. I love you, friends.

Peeved

Pet peeve of the day: People who sit on their computers and watch youtube really loudly while you are trying to watch tv. Please have some respect and put in head phones. I was here first.

Period

This blog is for Robyn Allison, which I know you will find strange once you read it.

Dear Period,

I realize that someday you will help me have babies, but I truly don't appreciate the fact that you visit me more than once a month. You have visited 8 or 9 times in the last 5 months, which is entirely unacceptable.

I am tired of you causing me to puff up and feel like I way 500 pounds.

I really would prefer not to have so many pimples.

I am becoming poor because I constantly have to purchase certain items at the store that will help contain the rush of nonsense coming out of my body.

You are lucky that I am not married right now because otherwise, I would be even more pissed off that you would be keeping me from having sex.

I'm already tired enough from school, and what do you do? You decide to wear me out to the point where I can't even keep my eyes open while watching tv.

I need a break. I can't continue this up and down rollercoaster of a relationship anymore. It's unnecessary, exhausting, and expensive.

We need counseling.

Hate,
Sarah