Frustration

Two in one day? I know. Awesome.

Today Teaven called me and he was crying, which rarely happens. Turns out, his mentor teacher basically told him he's going to be an awful teacher and would never recommend him for a job at the high school because he doesn't want to work with someone like Teaven. Can you believe that? This guy laid it into Teaven, but there is no way in heck that he deserves it. I am furious that someone would tear him down so much. I am frustrated that I couldn't be there to comfort him. I am hurting because he is hurt. It just makes me so mad that people can be beyond rude to another person. Teaven is already stressed enough about finding a job in the Killeen area. He doesn't need any more.

I know God will work everything out, and I know that Teaven knows that. I want Satan to get his sorry little butt out of our lives. He can try as hard as he wants to bring us down, but it won't work. With Christ by our side, I know Teaven can rise above this. I just pray he can make it through the rest of the semester without being wounded again.

Lift Teaven up. He's hurting.

Faithful

I suppose it's time for a new update. Spring Break was so much fun. I loved spending time with my nieces and nephews. Unfortunately, Spring Break is over, and the school work has once again become overwhelming. I am very much looking forward to being finished with school.

I've been approached with an opportunity to babysit this summer. I'm not sure if I want to do it or not yet. I could still work at Olive Garden as well and make money to save for my wedding, but we'll see what happens.

I've been entangled in sin. I feel like a fish caught in a net. As much as I fight, I just can't seem to wiggle my way out. Everything has come to the surface lately, and I'm just so disgusted with myself. I think the net is tearing, and I can see a way out. Thankfully, our God remains faithful, even when I am faithless.

I don't really have much more to say at this point. I'm ready for consistent warm weather and playing outside all day.

Countdown:
-16 days until my birthday and camping
-24 days until engagement pictures!!!!
-41 days until my last final of the semester!

Free

Tonight, I feel so free. I feel like a thousand-pound weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and I can just breathe. It's such an amazing feeling to know things are on the right path again.

I'm not going to write much because I need to go to sleep.

God has been with me every step. I'm in his hands. Always. Forever.

"If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast." Psalm 139:9-10

Thanks for your prayers.

Exhaustion

I don't even know what to say to describe everything that has happened this week. I feel so overwhelmed and exhausted. I've been hit physically, emotionally, mentally, and I'm close to the point where I just want to scream because I'm sick of it all.

I feel like an actual college student this week. The kind of college student that sits in Starbucks for hours working on homework and basically spends every moment studying for the next test. I know that's nothing to some people, but I'm exhausted. I know it will only continue through the next week, but I know God will give me the strength to persevere.

I've been hurt, and I'm not exactly sure how to handle it. I'm so frustrated and just want to relinquish all of my pent up emotions. I can't stop thinking, feeling. I just want to be held close and told I'm wonderful and beautiful... all the things I don't feel right now. I want tenderness and sensitivity.

Then, God gently whispers that I am beautiful and wonderful to him. His most precious creation. He loved me before I was born. My beauty can only be found in him, and I am searching. He is my everything. I feel so close and loved by him right now, and I don't want to lose that again. It happens so easily.

"My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release my feet from the snare." Psalm 25:15

Sorry I'm such a Debbie downer this week.

In happier news, my countdown!
-6 days until Spring Break
-35 days until my birthday and camping!
-43 days until engagement pictures!
-60 days until I am a college senior

Snow

This week has been... well, different.

First off, it snowed on Tuesday! That's the most snow I've seen in Texas in a while. It was so much fun to play with everyone. It seemed like all of UMHB came together and played outside. You see, on a normal day, you're walking by someone you don't usually talk to and you either say "hi" or you pretend like your looking at something else. This day, however, you're walking by someone and you throw snow at them! haha! It didn't matter who you were, where you were going. It was just one big party. I love that. Bethany, Abby, Josh, and I walked out to the conference center to go sledding on our cookie sheet. It was beautiful out there. I'm surprised I've never been.

Yesterday I found out that I failed a paper. I have NEVER failed a paper. I am so disappointed in myself. When things like this happen, I begin to doubt my abilities... doubt if this is really what God wants me to do. I mean, obviously, I suck at it right? I can't let myself do that because I know that's just Satan trying to get me down. I'm over it. I am confident that this is the path I am supposed to be taking. I just have to work a little harder. It won't happen again. ever.

I sat in RA interviews this week. It was so fun! It's amazing to see how far I've come since I sat in that chair being interviewed by a panel of RDs. I've learned so much, grown so much. I've become a different person, yet stayed the same. I know God has a great team for next semester. I am praying that we will be unified like no other. I know it'll be different. I know it will take some getting used to, but I'm excited for what God has in store.

Here's some things I'm counting down for:
-14 days til my Spring Break starts.
-43 days til my birthday and camping on the beach with my wonderful friends
-51 days til engagement pictures!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait!
-68 days til finals are over!

Surprises

I suppose it is now time for an update on the past week since I can officially tell everyone. It's amazing to me how quickly God can change our plans. He answers hopes and dreams that we thought would never come true, and it always happens in a way that we don't expect. Exactly a week ago, I gave the entire Head RA position over to God completely. I hadn't been feeling very comfortable about it for a couple of weeks and even more so when I got the email that said I would have to live by myself in a new apartment. To some, that is extremely appealing, but I wasn't willing to compromise. Then, over the next day or two, I began praying about moving back to Burt and found that is what I really wanted. I felt a peace like no other, and I knew it could only be from God. It happened so quickly that I was left in shock at the sudden change of events. I am so happy to be going back. I am so excited about the group God has picked out for next semester.

I know I have a lot I need to work on. I know that the change from being an apartment RA to being in the dorms again won't come easy, but I'm willing to rise up to the challenge because I've no doubt in my mind that this is what God desires for my life. I don't regret coming out to the apartments. I have learned and grown so much in the past year, and I am thankful for every experience I have had here. I'm praying that God will humble me, and I will become the head RA he wants me to be. I've got a lot to learn in the next year, and I'm ready!

In other news, I've realized that I think my wedding planning will go pretty smoothly. I really can't wait for the day when I can get together with my bridesmaids and plan fun things. Mainly, because that means I will get to see my best friends, and I love the thought of that.

I feel like I just want to keep writing and writing, but nothing much has happened other than the RA stuff. I miss my friends a lot right now. It's getting harder in my apartment, but I really shouldn't talk about that.

Here

I'm always exactly where God wants me to be. I may not understand it at the time I enter a situation, but it always becomes clear. I'm here, and that's just fine. I'm here, and he's with me.