Rambles from a love-struck heart

I've been wanting to write a blog for quite some time now, but every time I think about it, I get distracted doing something else. So much has happened in the past month that I don't even know where to begin. March has been a long month filled with so many wonderful things.

I suppose I will start with Spring Break. I went with Teaven and his youth group to Camp Eagle for three days to do a service project. During this time, I was filled with so much realization of who I had become in the last year or so, and honestly, I wasn't pleased. Seeing as how I hadn't been to camp since elementary school, this was an adventure for me. We took down a fence, sanded a mine, built new trails (which is surprisingly very difficult. Trails just don't appear, people), and cleared brush. At the end of each hard work day, we were able to play. The first day we swam in the river and the second day we went ziplining (so fun!). I loved every minute of it. I loved being around 30 teenagers and being able to impact their lives just as much as they impacted mine. I realized how much I had been living for myself instead of living for something greater than myself. My life recently has been so me, me, me focused that I fail to see the bigger picture. I could go on and on about this realization, but I will spare you. Let's just say, I'm excited for what God has in store for Teaven and me. It was so nice to work side by side furthering the Kingdom of God and knowing that's exactly what we will be doing for the rest of our lives. Our marriage isn't happening just because we love each other; it's happening because we glorify Christ better together than we do apart. And nothing will ever be able to change that.

On to other things, last weekend Teaven and I had our pre-marital counseling retreat. We went into the weekend with low expectations and bad attitudes. We didn't want to go.
Thankfully, we went. We both had so much fun and experienced life together in a way we hadn't before. It was so nice to be able to build community with other couples. We hadn't realized until then how important and beneficial it can be to have other couple friends. On the last night of the retreat, we received letters from our Spiritual Investors, people we had chosen to pray for our marriage. This was such a special time. I could already feel the tears welling up as we opened the first letter and began to read the words on the page. I never knew that such a simple act could be so intimate and special. We will treasure these letters throughout our lives together.

When I think about it, I am still amazed how far God has brought us in our relationship. We've gone from being two twitterpated teens to two adults ready to become one flesh, not just physically. It's crazy to think how much changes and how much God prepares you for marriage when you truly desire it. I never really understood how two people became one, but the concept is quickly becoming much more real to me. Just the thought of how special this time is brings tears to my eyes. I can't thank God enough for this relationship, and as I always tell Teaven, I hope we never forget these moments.

No matter where God takes us... Korea, Russia, or some small apartment in Killen... I know I'll be home wherever I am. I know it sounds cheesy but it's so. stinkin. true.

Just keep me busy

When I get really excited about something, I can't sit still. I have to keep my brain, hands and body moving. I have to make sure that I am passing time as "quickly" as possible, or rather not thinking about every minute as it ticks by.

So, here I sit, anxious and excited for tomorrow afternoon when I hear the final bell ring, signaling my freedom for an entire week. A week already full of things to do, but the busyness doesn't bother me because I get to spend almost everyday with my fiance and family. Rest to me isn't necessarily sleeping all day long and doing nothing, even though that would be nice. Rest is being able to take my mind from the day-to-day things that constantly fill it like an over flowing water fountain. Rest is a break from my hectic, rigid schedule, a change of pace.

When I'm really excited about something, I also get very ADD. I don't even remember what I was typing before because somehow I ended up looking at old pictures from freshman and sophomore year. Strange.

So, to all of you who will be with me the week before my wedding and especially the day before, keep me busy! If I get this excited and ansy about Spring Break, I'll be 100 times worse come the week of June 18. But I so can't wait. Can. Not. Wait. Seriously.

Just keep me busy. :)

Waiting on the world to change

Wow. I can't believe I went a whole month without blogging.

Student teaching is going well, but as the semester comes closer to an end, I become more nervous about the prospect of a job. For those of you who don't know, the state of Texas is laying off and/or freezing a lot of jobs. Therefore, there won't be many districts that will be hiring for the next school year. Teaven and I are still anxiously awaiting any word from Russia. We are really praying that God places us here, but we understand that this may not be his will. We have been looking into other possibilities of what we can do and where we can go given we do not get accepted to teach in Russia. It's stressful knowing that both of us need to find jobs in the area, stressful not knowing where we will go or what we will be doing, stressful knowing jobs will be even harder to come by. Yet, through it all we have peace. Peace in knowing that God's will trumps ours, and he is ALWAYS faithful. We have seen over and over again how he provides for those who trust him, and in this time, that's all we can do.

These past couple of months it's been so interesting to see how our relationship has changed. We're starting to work as a team as we prepare for marriage. We spend as much time together as possible, which is little but rewarding. And I can tell you, June 18 cannot come soon enough! Only a few months left! Two people who everyone said would never work out will marry each other and prove the world wrong! God is bigger than any plans we may have, and that is so evident to us!

I will try to update more. I feel like there is so much I could say, but this would go on for ages. I am excited about March because it is full of so many wonderful things!

Frustrations

I just need to vent right now.

No matter how hard I've tried or cut back, I can't seem to lose weight. Instead, I keep gaining weight! I am so frustrated and discouraged. I get married in 5 months, and at this rate, I'm not even going to fit into my wedding dress. It truly makes me want to break down and cry because I don't know what else to do other than stop eating all together. (don't worry, I won't do that.) The only thing I think it can be in my birth control. Ever since I have started taking it, I have gained weight.

I don't know what to do. :(

The end to my sad story.

Reflections

I can remember being a little freshman in college, anxiously waiting for my name to be called. RA interviews, answering questions for a panel of RDs and Head RAs, my dream. I can see myself doing this until I graduate, I thought.

Here I sit with only 109 days until graduation, still an RA. However, my dream has changed quite drastically from the dream I had as a little freshman. I'm worn out and ready to be done with this job. I'm ready to live my truest dream: marrying my best friend and joining our lives together on a glorious day in June. I'm ready to graduate and fulfill the passions that God has placed on my heart to become a teacher.

I'm ready for a new change of scenery and a life-long adventure with a wonderful man.

Teaven and I have been fervently praying about going to Russia. We send in our applications at the end of this month, and then we will anxiously await any news about the position. We both feel a strong desire to go there and serve the Lord, but we are still unsure of the direction God is leading. His plan will always prevail over any ideas we get into our heads. However, I am still praying that God will open a place for us there.

Student teaching has been amazing. Today was my first day actually teaching 2 classes. I loved it, but I am going to be tired. The students are wonderful, even though they can't stop talking. It's so nice to know that this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. I hope I never forget these moments so that in my darkest hour of teaching, which I know will come, I can look back and remember the excitement and joy I am experiencing.

I still really haven't reflected on 2010. It was a good year, although I am pleased it is over. I had some amazing experiences with friends. Last year, God revealed a lot to me about myself, a person who never really thought she was screwed up finally realized just how untrue that is. He has and still is bringing healing to my life as I work through issues I didn't even know I had. I am so thankful for everything he has taught me.

Some of my favorite pictures from the year:

Halloween with my future siblings!

Hot Air Balloon Festival in New Mexico

Teaven's mom's wedding in Arkansas

Engagement pictures!

Watermelon eating contest at play day.

Spring Break visiting my sister, brother-in-law, and kids.

Snow day in February

The four roommates at Katie's wedding!

Day One

I suppose I should update since it's been more than a month. Student teaching is off to a great start! It's going to take some getting used to, but it's so nice to be doing something that I am passionate about. I start teaching next week, so this week I'm busy planning my lessons, which I'm realizing I have little time to do outside of school.

Wedding plans are coming along nicely. We start pre-marital counseling at the end of this month. I'm excited and nervous about that. It's crazy how time flies..

Today I started Day 1 of Jillian Michael's 30 day shred, and I am already feeling the pain. It's only a 20 minute workout everyday, but it's intense. I am going to try to blog about it to keep myself accountable.. We'll see how that goes. I wish I had a personal trainer.

Not much else to say right now. I've been trying to get to sleep by 10 every night, so I'm off to bed!

This Christmas

Only 6 days left and I am done with my last semester of classes. I. am. so. ready. This semester has been crazy, and I am so looking forward to going home and spending my last Christmas as a single person with my family. Ever since we moved to our new house about 7 years ago and started going to Illinois for Christmas, my family hasn't really been into the whole Christmas decorating and tradition stuff because we're always traveling. This year, I have determined to bring back the excitement, joy, and family bonding that comes with Christmas. My family is waiting until I am done with RA stuff next Saturday to go to the Christmas tree farm and cut down the tree. This Christmas means a lot to me because it may be the last one I celebrate with my family for a while.

I want to bake cookies and cook homemade food.
I want to hang stockings and Christmas lights.
I want to blast Christmas music through the house while we decorate the tree.
I want to watch Christmas movies while bundled up close on the couch.
Most of all, I want this Christmas to be important to my little sisters. In some way, I feel like they've missed out on all of this stuff.

I want us to be a family... without having to worry about soldiers we don't know coming over. That's been the biggest interruption of our family time. My dad has a tendancy to put his job over our family time when it comes to the holidays. I want this to be just as important to them as it is to me. I want it to be special.

We'll see how things really turn out.. I suppose I shouldn't have any expectations.

I am just so ready for this semester to be over!