Searching

I haven't updated in a while. I feel like this month is flying past, and then I look back and say, "Wait, how did I miss that?" It's so crazy how life speeds up as you get closer to the end of something. The semester is almost over, which means I am only three semesters away from a graduation and a wedding. Sometimes I don't even know what to do with myself. How am I supposed to get everything done in such little time?

I've been focusing a lot lately on the concept of unconditional or unfailing love. This is a hard one for me to grasp for some reason. It's hard for me to believe that a person can love me even though I continue failing. I wonder if it has anything to do with the standard at which I hold myself. This concept intermingles with some fears I struggle with. I fear that Teaven will someday tell me he doesn't love me anymore. I fear that I will never change, and my failures will continue without ever letting me breathe.

Is my love for myself conditional? Yes, I think it is. I don't love myself when I fail. I don't love myself when I sin. I love myself when I succeed and others are proud of me. Huh.. that shows a lot about me.. others being proud of me. Why do I care so much about what other people think of me? Why do I let those opinions affect me so?

Is God's love for me conditional? Absolutely not. The other day I had the song "Unfailing Love" by Jimmy Needham stuck in my head. Later that night as I was reading my Bible, I stumbled upon this verse in Isaiah 54:10 "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you." These are the words of the song. His unfailing love will not be shaken. This applies not only to God's love for me but for Teaven's love for me as well.

I have so many other thoughts swimming around in my head. So many unanswered questions.

I'm searching for my identitiy in Christ.