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Reminiscing

As I was working on tying 120 tags on 120 mason jars today, a song came to mind that I haven't thought about in a long time. I used to listen to this song over and over again, dreaming about the day that it would actually be true.

I've been waiting all my life for this morning

Just to wake up next to you holding me

And your head is resting gently on my shoulder

Like you're whispering to me

I'm in love with you

I'm in love with you

So glad I found you, I'm in love with you.

And suddenly the realization set in... My dreams are coming true. In 12 short days, I will be able to wake up next to my best friend.

No more sleeping alone at night.

No more being alone. ever.

I. am. so. happy.

Sometimes I can be a very negative person. Those of us who have been through Be Transformedknow exactly what I am talking about. It's just so easy for me to remember the bad times and to focus on negative aspects of life rather than the positive. However, as that one day draws closer, I can't help but feel giddy with excitement.

I've been dreaming of this day in specific since my freshman year of college. Sure, I was like every little girl who dreamed about getting married, but since my first year of college, I have dreamed about marrying Teaven. Those of you who knew me during that time were probably completely used to the phrase, "I just want to get married." Well, folks, here it is. In 11 short days, that dream will be coming true. I'm finally getting married.

I've been going through some old pictures of Teaven and I to use at the wedding, so I thought it'd be fun to post some on here.

This was one of our very first pictures together before we started dating.

Teaven's senior prom.

Summer of '06... Summer Fun with the youth group.

All of those are from our first year of dating. My senior year of high school, and Teaven's freshman year at UMHB.

Love is joy and love is pain

It's kissing in the rain

It's doing dishes when it's late,

Isn't it, baby?

It's the art of compromise

It's hellos and long goodbyes

It's the picture of our lives

Isn't it crazy?

Refocus

Fans. Check.

Tags. Check.

Candy Bags. Check.

12 days. Well, actually it's 11 days and 21 hours.

I know that all I've talked about lately is the wedding, but that has been my life lately.

I've marked so many things off my to-do list, and I'm so proud of myself.

I've been realizing how easy it is to let my time with God be minimized in order to get everything done, and I really need to work on that. I am so focused on not forgetting something, but in all reality I'm forgetting the most important thing, the one thing that will carry me through this marriage.

I need to refocus and take a deeper look into myself as I prepare for this huge step. It's not just a party that I'm planning; it's the beginning of my future. A commitment to another person that I will never leave him, no matter how rocky the road gets. Thank God I've got a Savior whose grace never runs out.

Tomorrow is my refocus day, so that I may not forget what life is really about. It's not about fans or tags or candy. It's about furthering his kingdom, through my marriage and through my life.

I miss you

Teaven left for camp this morning, and this whole week I've been thinking to myself that it will be nice to have some time away from each other before the wedding. I can relax and enjoy myself.

Hah. Who was I kidding? I barely made it 4 hours without missing him.

Last night he asked me why I would miss him, and I told him because he is my friend. And that is so true. He's my best friend, and we can sit and talk for hours about anything and everything.. or even just sit in companionable silence, content to just enjoy each other's presence.

I thought I was going to have to keep busy next week because I'd be so anxious about the wedding. I think this week will be worse if the days pass as slowly as they have today. Thankfully, I have a lot of things to get done and a lot of people to see.

This week will be full of tanning, shopping, crafting, visiting, more shopping, planning, and trying to remember all the things I forgot to do.

But the best part of all... are you ready for this? Teaven told me last night that I should go get a massage sometime this week. Now, to some of you, that may not seem like a big deal at all, but it's huge! Teaven doesn't really like me getting massages by people other than him, but he told me to get one...as long as a girl does it! I swear that's one of the sweetest things he's done in a while because I know how much it meant for him to do that.

So added to my list of things to do: get a massage!

6 days til he gets home!

10 days til family gets here!

13 days until the wedding!

A Summer Beginning...

Today my summer officially begins!

From here on out, I will spend my days sleeping in (well, as late as my body will let me these days) and drown myself in wedding details and final touches. Okay, maybe drown isn't the right word because I actually do enjoy doing most of the things I have to finish.

Family and friends start arriving in 11 days!! I can't wait for everyone to get here and the festivities begin. I'm going to blink and everyone will be here. Time is moving so quickly these days. Well, minus the slowly moving clock as I anxiously await my boss to give me my check and say go home. I'm leaving early today because Teaven and I are going to get our marriage license. I think the excitement from that makes time appear to move slower.

Teaven and I will be starting a new blog in the next couple of weeks... Ok, maybe I should say in the next month. It'll be all about our adventures to Korea and other places (hopefully!). From what I hear, it's pretty cheap to fly from Korea to Australia... and lucky for us, Teaven's grandparents live in Australia. hmm. Can you say possibility?

Love Never Fails

I know I just wrote a blog about 2 minutes ago, but this came to my mind.

Until recently, I had never experienced the hurt and pain caused from a failed marriage. It all began when I found out that my brother and sister-in-law, who I loved like a real sister, were getting a divorce. I remember being so angry and hurt that she would leave me and frustrated that they couldn't work things out. From there, I saw so many people giving up on their marriage. The world basically tells us to run when it gets too hard.

Then, the other day, I was watching Dr. Phil, and it was an episode titled, "My Mate Isn't Good Enough." I watched these people complain about how their significant other isn't attractive anymore or they are embarrassed to be seen with them in public. I kept thinking to myself that these people are so superficial. The sad thing is that people really think this way. Last week, we found out that Teaven's brother is getting a divorce. Apparently, his wife said she wasn't attracted to him anymore so that was enough reason to run out on a marriage. Then, this morning I heard this lady talking on the Today Show about a book she wrote about marriage. She said that most people would cheat on their spouse if no one found out. She continued to say that NO marriage will stay blissful, and only 60% of married couples say their marriage is semi-happy. What the heck?

With society the way it is, it's hard not to be a little scared about the future. I had my little freak out moment a couple of days ago where I realized that I am marrying Teaven and this is a true lifetime commitment. I won't have any privacy anymore. I won't be able to sneak a bowl of cereal before I go to bed without him knowing. I never want anything to hurt our marriage so bad that I feel like running. I know the honeymoon phase will end, and I know there are challenges to come. But I also know that we are going to defy the world's view of marriage. I never want to lose my passion and love for Teaven. People need to realize that marriage isn't just about attraction.

With Christ at the center, we will have a happy, blissful marriage. Come what may, my love will not waiver.

Crunch Time

I haven't been able to blog in quite some time because I don't have a computer with internet access anymore, and it's difficult to type a blog on my iPhone. Anyways, I felt the itch to do something about that today, so here I sit at the computer where I work.

18 days until I get married! It's so crazy to think that 2 weeks from now I will be preparing all the final touches for the wedding of my dreams. I am so happy that Teaven never let me settle when it came to wedding planning. I know that he may seem like a Bridezilla to some, but I know he is only doing it for me. He knows that I am too wussy to say what I really want for fear that we won't have the money. Thanks to him and our family, I know our wedding is going to be gorgeous. I seriously cannot wait.

It's funny to think that just last week I told myself the wedding was far enough away that I could put things off, and now I'm freaking out about getting everything done. There's so many little details that I always forget when creating my 5 billion lists.

A couple of days ago, Teaven and I were going through some old letters and pictures from our first years of dating and laughing so hard at how cheesy we were. I always wanted to sound perfect, and he wanted to impress me. To this day, it still amazes me how far we've come. I never thought I could love a person as much as I love him. He's going to camp next week, and that will be our last week apart for a VERY long time.

We are going to get our marriage license on Friday. He leaves on Sunday. Family and friends begin to arrive 2 weeks from today. I'm crazy excited.

Hit Me with Your Best Shot

It hit me.

I am moving out of the country in 2 months. Do you realize how little time that is? Even though I'm counting down the days until my wedding and telling time that it's just not moving fast enough, when I think about moving in 2 months, it feels so close.

I won't be moving back to UMHB in August. I won't be going to RA training. I won't be taking tests; I'll be making them.

I'm a teacher now. I'm almost a wife.

There's a lot of change happening in my life recently, and I know the break down from it all is just around the corner.

It's not that I'm not excited.. just a little overwhelmed with the thought of it all.

In 34 days, I'm going to be living with a boy.

I am so excited about living with my best friend. I am so excited to be able to fall asleep next to him and not have to say goodbye anymore.

I can't believe it's this close, but I can't believe it's still so far away.

Then, just a month later, my best friend and I start the journey of a lifetime.

I'm going to miss my family, friends and Mexican food.

But I'm going to learn to like so many new things.

I feel so bipolar with my emotions right now.

Holy Cow

So, I am officially having my first "Holy Cow" moment. (I believe in my head I didn't say cow...)

I am graduating in a little over two weeks. From College... with a degree...

I am getting married in less than two months. Teaven and I have been together for 5 years on May 4, and we are finally getting married!

We are moving to Korea in 3 months. umm.. Can you say crazy? I'm leaving everything and everyone I know and love (except Teaven) to embark on this adventure that God has called us to. I'm excited, nervous, sad, and pretty much any other emotion similar to that.

When did I grow up? Wasn't I a freshman just a little while ago?

In no way, shape, or form am I upset about any of these things. I would never want to go back and be a freshman again. I am so happy with my life, my future. This will just be a very prayerful time as I start this journey....as we start this journey.

A New Adventure

I have some VERY exciting news to share... Teaven and I will be moving to Korea in July!!! We are so blessed to have been given this opportunity to go teach in another country and so excited for the adventure that is to come. We received an information packet this morning telling us all the things we will need to know to adjust to life in Korea... -Bring birth control -Bring deodorant because Koreans don't have sweat glands (who knew?) -Learn to use chopsticks Those are only a few from a very long list of things. So, needless to say, our next three months will be JAM PACKED with preparations for this new journey. It's slowly starting to sink in and become real.. I haven't cried yet.. but I know the tears will come.. especially when I think about the fact that I will miss my little sister's graduation. Graduation in May Wedding in June Korea in July Like I said, JAM PACKED... Will you just look at these pictures from the city we will be living in? Isn't it gorgeous? Man, God is so so so good!

Birthdays and Interviews

I am so excited to write this blog right now because I have so much wonderful news to share with you all.

First things first, my birthday weekend was fabulous... minus my lovely cold on Sunday. Friday night, I went to the drive-in with my family. It was my first time doing anything like that. We took the truck, blew up an air mattress to put in the bed of the truck, and had lawn chairs. It was such a relaxing time with my family. We watched Hop and True Grit. Hop was really funny. I was impressed because I didn't think it would be all that great.

Saturday I went to the Temple Job Fair that was more depressing than encouraging. I kept overhearing people talking about how they just got laid off. Let's hope somebody saw me and liked me. Saturday night Teaven and his step-mom took me out to Razzoo's for dinner. It was good, and we had a lot of fun. Then, we went back to her house and hung out some more.

This week has been entirely too long. It feels like it's been more like 3 weeks rather than 1.

BUT, for the best news of all....

Teaven and I had interviews with a school in Korea last night. Yes, we got a phone call from someone in Korea! We are really excited about the possibility of moving there to teach. We'll see what happens. It's all in God's hands. He knows what is best for us.

Maybe

Maybe someday I'll see this place and have fond memories. Maybe I'll come back like all the little old ladies who want to see the rooms they lived in. Maybe I'll smile. But for now, I literally dread walking through that glass door, down the long hallway with the peculiar smell. My shoulders collapse in defeat as I turn the key and push the door open into a room that will only be mine for a few weeks longer. I will get through this. It's not the end of my life, just the end of a journey. A journey I am happy to end. 34 days, and I walk across that stage into a new journey. A journey that brings so much happiness. I. can. make. it. I. will. make. it. Because Jesus has a purpose.

Rambles from a love-struck heart

I've been wanting to write a blog for quite some time now, but every time I think about it, I get distracted doing something else. So much has happened in the past month that I don't even know where to begin. March has been a long month filled with so many wonderful things.

I suppose I will start with Spring Break. I went with Teaven and his youth group to Camp Eagle for three days to do a service project. During this time, I was filled with so much realization of who I had become in the last year or so, and honestly, I wasn't pleased. Seeing as how I hadn't been to camp since elementary school, this was an adventure for me. We took down a fence, sanded a mine, built new trails (which is surprisingly very difficult. Trails just don't appear, people), and cleared brush. At the end of each hard work day, we were able to play. The first day we swam in the river and the second day we went ziplining (so fun!). I loved every minute of it. I loved being around 30 teenagers and being able to impact their lives just as much as they impacted mine. I realized how much I had been living for myself instead of living for something greater than myself. My life recently has been so me, me, me focused that I fail to see the bigger picture. I could go on and on about this realization, but I will spare you. Let's just say, I'm excited for what God has in store for Teaven and me. It was so nice to work side by side furthering the Kingdom of God and knowing that's exactly what we will be doing for the rest of our lives. Our marriage isn't happening just because we love each other; it's happening because we glorify Christ better together than we do apart. And nothing will ever be able to change that.

On to other things, last weekend Teaven and I had our pre-marital counseling retreat. We went into the weekend with low expectations and bad attitudes. We didn't want to go.
Thankfully, we went. We both had so much fun and experienced life together in a way we hadn't before. It was so nice to be able to build community with other couples. We hadn't realized until then how important and beneficial it can be to have other couple friends. On the last night of the retreat, we received letters from our Spiritual Investors, people we had chosen to pray for our marriage. This was such a special time. I could already feel the tears welling up as we opened the first letter and began to read the words on the page. I never knew that such a simple act could be so intimate and special. We will treasure these letters throughout our lives together.

When I think about it, I am still amazed how far God has brought us in our relationship. We've gone from being two twitterpated teens to two adults ready to become one flesh, not just physically. It's crazy to think how much changes and how much God prepares you for marriage when you truly desire it. I never really understood how two people became one, but the concept is quickly becoming much more real to me. Just the thought of how special this time is brings tears to my eyes. I can't thank God enough for this relationship, and as I always tell Teaven, I hope we never forget these moments.

No matter where God takes us... Korea, Russia, or some small apartment in Killen... I know I'll be home wherever I am. I know it sounds cheesy but it's so. stinkin. true.

Just keep me busy

When I get really excited about something, I can't sit still. I have to keep my brain, hands and body moving. I have to make sure that I am passing time as "quickly" as possible, or rather not thinking about every minute as it ticks by.

So, here I sit, anxious and excited for tomorrow afternoon when I hear the final bell ring, signaling my freedom for an entire week. A week already full of things to do, but the busyness doesn't bother me because I get to spend almost everyday with my fiance and family. Rest to me isn't necessarily sleeping all day long and doing nothing, even though that would be nice. Rest is being able to take my mind from the day-to-day things that constantly fill it like an over flowing water fountain. Rest is a break from my hectic, rigid schedule, a change of pace.

When I'm really excited about something, I also get very ADD. I don't even remember what I was typing before because somehow I ended up looking at old pictures from freshman and sophomore year. Strange.

So, to all of you who will be with me the week before my wedding and especially the day before, keep me busy! If I get this excited and ansy about Spring Break, I'll be 100 times worse come the week of June 18. But I so can't wait. Can. Not. Wait. Seriously.

Just keep me busy. :)

Waiting on the world to change

Wow. I can't believe I went a whole month without blogging.

Student teaching is going well, but as the semester comes closer to an end, I become more nervous about the prospect of a job. For those of you who don't know, the state of Texas is laying off and/or freezing a lot of jobs. Therefore, there won't be many districts that will be hiring for the next school year. Teaven and I are still anxiously awaiting any word from Russia. We are really praying that God places us here, but we understand that this may not be his will. We have been looking into other possibilities of what we can do and where we can go given we do not get accepted to teach in Russia. It's stressful knowing that both of us need to find jobs in the area, stressful not knowing where we will go or what we will be doing, stressful knowing jobs will be even harder to come by. Yet, through it all we have peace. Peace in knowing that God's will trumps ours, and he is ALWAYS faithful. We have seen over and over again how he provides for those who trust him, and in this time, that's all we can do.

These past couple of months it's been so interesting to see how our relationship has changed. We're starting to work as a team as we prepare for marriage. We spend as much time together as possible, which is little but rewarding. And I can tell you, June 18 cannot come soon enough! Only a few months left! Two people who everyone said would never work out will marry each other and prove the world wrong! God is bigger than any plans we may have, and that is so evident to us!

I will try to update more. I feel like there is so much I could say, but this would go on for ages. I am excited about March because it is full of so many wonderful things!

Frustrations

I just need to vent right now.

No matter how hard I've tried or cut back, I can't seem to lose weight. Instead, I keep gaining weight! I am so frustrated and discouraged. I get married in 5 months, and at this rate, I'm not even going to fit into my wedding dress. It truly makes me want to break down and cry because I don't know what else to do other than stop eating all together. (don't worry, I won't do that.) The only thing I think it can be in my birth control. Ever since I have started taking it, I have gained weight.

I don't know what to do. :(

The end to my sad story.

Reflections

I can remember being a little freshman in college, anxiously waiting for my name to be called. RA interviews, answering questions for a panel of RDs and Head RAs, my dream. I can see myself doing this until I graduate, I thought.

Here I sit with only 109 days until graduation, still an RA. However, my dream has changed quite drastically from the dream I had as a little freshman. I'm worn out and ready to be done with this job. I'm ready to live my truest dream: marrying my best friend and joining our lives together on a glorious day in June. I'm ready to graduate and fulfill the passions that God has placed on my heart to become a teacher.

I'm ready for a new change of scenery and a life-long adventure with a wonderful man.

Teaven and I have been fervently praying about going to Russia. We send in our applications at the end of this month, and then we will anxiously await any news about the position. We both feel a strong desire to go there and serve the Lord, but we are still unsure of the direction God is leading. His plan will always prevail over any ideas we get into our heads. However, I am still praying that God will open a place for us there.

Student teaching has been amazing. Today was my first day actually teaching 2 classes. I loved it, but I am going to be tired. The students are wonderful, even though they can't stop talking. It's so nice to know that this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. I hope I never forget these moments so that in my darkest hour of teaching, which I know will come, I can look back and remember the excitement and joy I am experiencing.

I still really haven't reflected on 2010. It was a good year, although I am pleased it is over. I had some amazing experiences with friends. Last year, God revealed a lot to me about myself, a person who never really thought she was screwed up finally realized just how untrue that is. He has and still is bringing healing to my life as I work through issues I didn't even know I had. I am so thankful for everything he has taught me.

Some of my favorite pictures from the year:

Halloween with my future siblings!

Hot Air Balloon Festival in New Mexico

Teaven's mom's wedding in Arkansas

Engagement pictures!

Watermelon eating contest at play day.

Spring Break visiting my sister, brother-in-law, and kids.

Snow day in February

The four roommates at Katie's wedding!

Day One

I suppose I should update since it's been more than a month. Student teaching is off to a great start! It's going to take some getting used to, but it's so nice to be doing something that I am passionate about. I start teaching next week, so this week I'm busy planning my lessons, which I'm realizing I have little time to do outside of school.

Wedding plans are coming along nicely. We start pre-marital counseling at the end of this month. I'm excited and nervous about that. It's crazy how time flies..

Today I started Day 1 of Jillian Michael's 30 day shred, and I am already feeling the pain. It's only a 20 minute workout everyday, but it's intense. I am going to try to blog about it to keep myself accountable.. We'll see how that goes. I wish I had a personal trainer.

Not much else to say right now. I've been trying to get to sleep by 10 every night, so I'm off to bed!